Contributed by Beth O.Having different sex drives can be a major problem in a relationship. The person with the higher sex drive might feel rejected while the one with the low sex drive feels pressured. I have known many couples who have broken up over this dilemma. Here are a few things you can do if your sex drive is higher or lower then your partners’:
Talk to each other. Yes that sounds obvious, but talking about sex is not always easy to do. On the other hand, not talking about sexual problems is unhealthy so make time to talk about it with your partner. When having the talk, it might be best not to do it in bed or before or after sex. Take it out of the bedroom to neutral territory. Rather than pressuring your partner to have sex, or stop asking for sex, focus on clearly explaining your feelings. For example, “I feel that sex is a chore and something I have to do;” “I feel rejected and unsexy;” “I need to feel that we can cuddle without going straight to sex.” Since it takes two to tango, encourage your partner to tell you how they are feeling too.
Ask what arouses your partner. Things might have changed since you first got together so it’s important to know what turns your partner on. You may like things gentle while your partner needs more pressure to get aroused. Or your partner might need more time spent on foreplay to get turned on.
Experiment. Maybe you’ve gotten into a groove with each other so don’t be afraid to experiment with different toys, positions, lubes, role playing, etc. This can bring an element of play to your sexual encounters. What better way to spice things up a bit!
Have a medical checkup. If you’ve done everything you can and still have low sex drive, it could be side effects due to medication or other medical issues. Make an appointment with your doctor to identify what might be the source of your problems or to exclude these types of concerns.
How does the difference in sex drives affect your relationship? How do you handle this situation?