Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach
A good portion of women are too busy making themselves busy so they don’t have a minute to look at the true picture of their life. They are too busy to call a friend or too busy to return a call. They are too busy to be the yes that they said they’d be. What is all this busyness? We have a ton of technology available to us at the drop of a dime. Literally a drop of a dime and yet we are way too busy. Even with the cell phone less than half a yard away from your elbow, inside your bag or pocket, it remains impossible to return a simple call, to a friend, a client, a potential suitor, a doctor anybody.
Well, you don’t understand, I am really busy. How busy can you be? Are you running a small country? What is it that you are doing in your life that has you so busy that nothing has changed in the last 3 years? I have a running conversation with clients who say to me that they are too busy to do something that they say is important to them—important things like their friends, their health and well-being. They want to date, fix their finances or change something in their life—yet they don’t. Well, what I say is you are not running a city or a small country. For instance look at Rudy Giuliani, the mayor of New York City, 1994-2001. Here was a man who was busy, running NYC, visiting other states and countries and still he still found time to have a wife and then cheat on her. Now that’s busy. If you are not running a small city, visiting other countries having a marriage and an extra marital affair, you’re not that busy. Come on!
What’s really going on is that you do not have a system to manage yourself, and you do not have a relationship with your word. How do I know this? Well, I know this because when the conversation comes up about you being unavailable, not following up on your promises, and not being your word, then you get triggered. You shut down, become resigned and some of you might even become angry. This is not a judgment; it is something that I have experienced.
If all the things that you say you would love to have or experience are really that important to you, then it is important that you carve out time for yourself. There is more than enough time in the day to handle what it is that you say that you desire. The first question to ask yourself is this: Am I happy? What’s happiness got to do with time? What has happiness go to do with anything? Well, I have come to understand that people who are happy with themselves desire to remain happy. They share. They often enjoy the work that they have chosen for themselves. They are busy, but they are organized. It is this kind of happiness that is important to them. They do not want anything to interfere with their happiness. So they make the time to do the things that is important to them and schedule time to handle all the other things. They are happy and they want to share it with friends so they create time to talk with friends. They are not interested in getting sick so they will create time to go to the doctor and keep a handle on their well-being. They have created structures to keep on doing the things that they enjoy doing.
Happiness is something that one can do for oneself. However, it is something that is better shared with another. When you are happy in your life you become aware of whom you are. So for example, if you desire a deep relationship with another person, it’s important that you become aware of yourself.
The comments above are not here to make you feel wrong or written as a judgment. I have written them as a way to have you look inside and understand that sometimes you are not aware of what you’re doing or how it impacts your life and the lives of the people you say are important to you. It is important to see them so that you can realize how important it is to learn to concentrate and focus your mind where you choose.
You can elevate your thinking and your choices to a higher ideal rather than just merely having a view or no view at all and remain stuck thinking that your work (or some other form of busyness) is real and you have no time. Then, when people say that you are not managing your time well, or you are wasting their time, you don’t find yourself feeling attacked or defending yourself.
It is as though you are too afraid to take a minute to just sit down and smell the roses. Many women practice the age old art of making themselves wrong so they have something to distract them from just taking a minute to sit down and reflect. Happiness appears as this elusive thing they are searching for. Some are looking for it in the arms of the next lover before completing with the last one. Some are looking for it at the end of the credit card in the next pair of designer shoes.
This is not a judgment. What I do know is that a lot of women are really craving, desiring and would like to have the kind of happiness that just makes your heart sing. The kind of happiness that you feel when you are taking time out to do something that you really enjoy doing–something that ignites your passion and gets your juices flowing. No ladies, not that kind. At least not at this moment; I mean the kind of passion that I experience when I ride my bike and the wind is whipping around my helmet and I see life’s pleasures like a flower breaking through the earth.
Do you have a question for Nourishing Nibbles, please send it to:
Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life. They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way. “Live Life Your Way”
“Live Life Your Way” www.noreensumptercoach.com
To make an appointment with me, please call 718-834-9450 or e-mail email@example.com