Contributed by Tanya S.
I tend to let things roll off my back. Meanwhile, I see my friends suffer with the slightest negative comment. Recently, my friend emailed me to ask for advice about dealing with criticism. Here are some ingredients I suggested:
Ingredient #1 – Don’t defend yourself. Most people are afraid of conflict. When they have to say something negative to someone, they are usually bracing for an argument and are already on the defensive. If you start to get defensive, then they will get defensive. In no time, things will get out of hand. Instead…
Ingredient #2 – Listen. They may have a valid point. You are not perfect, but do not worry no one is. If you are listening instead of trying to figure out a comeback, it will help you see their point of view. The best way of doing this is to…
Ingredient #3 – Be objective and detach yourself. Start taking deep breaths and concentrate on your breath as you listen. Separate yourself from the situation and try to view it from the outside like you are watching two other people talking. If you think you may interrupt, place your fingers on your mouth to stop yourself.
Ingredient #4 – Shift your emphasis. If someone is just standing there yelling at you, try to think of other reasons why they are angry. Maybe they are caring for a loved one who is dying and this last inconvenience is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Without thinking of the possibilities, you are stuck thinking it is all about you. Maybe it isn’t, most likely it is about them.
Ingredient #5 – Think about what they are saying. Is this feedback relevant to you? Has someone said this to you before? Is the point of what they are saying true but their delivery is horrible? Maybe it is a behavior that you have been repeating and it has irritated them or offended them. It is possible you are making an error; if so, you can…
Ingredient #6 – Learn from your mistakes. If the information is relevant, then apply it to your life and learn to fix it. If you don’t, you will be faced with the same conflict in many areas of your life. If it isn’t relevant and the person is just upset, blowing off steam, putting you down to build themselves up, etc., then learn not to be around them. Want to get them to stop then be sure to…
Ingredient #7 – Say thank you. Nothing will stop a person quicker than staying calm, hearing them out and then giving them a polite thank you when they are done. If the input was relevant, then you should thank them for pointing it out to you. If you do, the next time they have a critique they will feel better about giving it to you and won’t be defensive. If they are just out of their mind, your calm thank you and your sweet smile will let them know that treating you this way doesn’t get you down and they will soon stop trying.
Ingredient #8 – Move on. You have better things to do then worry about them.
What are your tips for dealing with criticism? We invite you to comment in the box below.
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