Contributor: Donna Marie | Photo Credit: Jeremy Bishop – Unsplash
Steven Bartlett pulled out a chart during an interview with Trevor Noah on a recent episode of The Diary of a CEO podcast. It showed friendship patterns across the lifespan—a line that rose through childhood and early career, then dropped sharply after our mid-twenties. Once we leave structured environments like school and early jobs, our social circles naturally contract. Year after year, the line descended.
As I listened, a memory surfaced.
In the early 1990s. I’d made the leap to independent consulting, conducting market research for major companies. The work was stimulating. The travel kept things interesting. But between interviews across the country, client meetings, and reporting, I spent a lot of time alone in my home office.
No office banter. No colleague lunches. No spontaneous conversations. Just me, my phone, my computer, and the quiet.
The irony wasn’t lost on me—I spent my professional life interviewing people, drawing out their stories, understanding what made them tick. Yet my own social world had shrunk.
Today’s #Discovery
Community doesn’t happen to you—you cultivate it
The Call That Changed Everything
One afternoon, I mentioned this to my Dad during one of our regular calls.
What he offered during that chat would change this dynamic at the time and has reaped extensive rewards many decades later.
“Join organizations that interest you,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Places where you can meet new people and learn new things.”
He told me about his own experience with an international cultural exchange organization—how it had opened his world to different perspectives, different people, different cultures.
I didn’t pursue that particular group, but something shifted in that moment—a new awareness was developing.
The Door Cracks Open
Weeks later, an envelope arrived: “Date with Destiny” in bold letters. Anthony Robbins. Personal development program—since this area had always fascinated me, I signed up and went.
That weekend changed everything. Not because I found instant best friends (though I did meet remarkable people), but because it cracked open a door to new relationships and opportunities. If this community existed, what else was out there?
The Gateway Effect
Date with Destiny led to Landmark Education. Landmark led to Live At Choice. That led to Business Network International. Each community revealed another layer of possibility. Each brought people I never would have encountered—different industries, different backgrounds, different ways of thinking.
Lifelong friendships emerged. Unexpected growth followed.
All from one conversation with my Dad.
Today, decades later, I still seek out new connections. My life is enriched by people spanning different ages, disciplines, and walks of life. The willingness my father sparked in that brief phone call never stopped.
When I see Bartlett’s chart—that descending line representing inevitable social contraction—I see a different story. Not destiny. Just one possibility among many.
What This Story Reveals
The Wisdom and Ripple Effect of Intentional Connection
My father didn’t dismiss my concern or tell me to “tough it out.” He recognized what I was experiencing: a structural problem, not a character flaw. His response honored my emotional reality while offering agency. This is masculine problem-solving at its best: acknowledging the feeling, then providing actionable pathways forward.
But he went further—he didn’t just offer advice, he modeled it. My father spoke from experience, not theory. He wasn’t pointing me toward paths he’d abandoned—he was sharing from active practice. Many fathers inadvertently teach that growth and new friendships belong to youth. My father modeled the opposite: engagement as a lifelong practice.
This is what cultivation looks like—not waiting for community to appear, but actively moving toward what interests you, knowing connection will follow. Community became something I tended, not something I hoped would find me.
My father didn’t solve my loneliness. He gave me something better—a principle: When you feel disconnected, move toward what genuinely interests you, and connection will follow. That ten-minute phone call catalyzed thirty years of relationships, global experiences, and continuous growth.
By making connection a practice rather than an accident, I built what the statistics say shouldn’t exist: an expanding network that grows richer with each decade. I didn’t defy the loneliness curve through luck or circumstance—I cultivated community deliberately, year after year, choice after choice.
In Summary
This is the work of Soul Masculinity—questioning inherited patterns that no longer serve us and choosing differently. Traditional masculinity often equates independence with isolation, self-reliance with going it alone. My father showed me another path: that true strength includes the willingness to acknowledge loneliness, to actively seek connection, and to remain open to growth at every age. When fathers model this kind of emotional intelligence and relational courage, they give their children permission to break limiting trajectories—and in doing so, they help reshape how masculinity is expressed across generations.
What wisdom did your father share that changed your trajectory? Share your story below.