Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach
Q: I judge myself all the time –
I am too slow, too dumb, too this or that. How can I make these voices stop? – Mary B.
A: Pretend you didn’t do it!
We are all guilty of judging ourselves at one time or another and at times we are harder on ourselves then we would be with others. Thinking about how you would treat someone else in the same situation can help. Pretend you saw someone commit whatever sin you are judging yourself for. What would you think of what you saw? Would you think they were stupid? Would you even care?
The Spirit and the Universe never judge us, so why do we have the right to judge ourselves? What standards are we judging ourselves against? If you have a high standard of judgment you’re going to judge yourself harder and much more unsympathetically than anyone would ever judge you. As humans, we judge ourselves about everything. We judge our actions, our thoughts, our feelings, and we even judge our dreams. In turn, we judge others based on our own visions; then we judge ourselves for judging other people. It is a form of madness created out of confusion .
We live in a real world made up of mistakes, learning and evolving. What a beauty it is that all people learn differently and at different times. Our ideas and thoughts are just like flowers: some come up and bud early, some bud and bloom later, some go half way between budding and blooming then die. Some just die as seeds in the ground or buds on the vine. It is not right or wrong, it is just what happens.
Many of us internalize the criticism we learn from our parents and friends. We transfer those judgments to other people who we feel seem to judge us. However many of the people that we project onto act as our mirrors and reflect our own disappointment.
I have heard people describe situations in their life as wrong. Nothing is or was wrong, it just didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to. They see what happened as some form of punishment from God. They see God as a stern parent that gives out rewards and punishment, rewards if you do well and punishment if you do wrong. The God that I know did not create morals, people did. Our spirit does not dish out judgment, it never judges us. The spirit gives us opportunities to balance and learn. If we made a mistake we can create an opportunity to balance it. What if we gave ourselves the same opportunity that the spirit gave us? We could give ourselves the same opportunity to stop judging ourselves.
The higher our ideals, the more prone we are to become to self judging. We experience pressure when we are always trying to improve ourselves by living in the world fearing that we will fall short or not meet our own standards. What if we looked at our high visions and discovered that we had the lowest self-worth? The more we judge ourselves, the more people we attract that criticize us and make us wrong.
Judgment blocks energy and blocked energy sets up resistance, makes us defensive and we end up holding on to negative patterns. When you release judgment it opens a way for you to transform your life.
What would it be like to live the as best you can, accept your mistakes, learn from and do a little better each time? What if you completely accepted yourself and others for all they are and all they are not? What if you accepted your mistakes, learned from them, what kind of life would you have? What if there was nothing to prove and there was just a great life to live? What could your life look like if you were to Live Life Your Way?
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Noreen Sumpter Personal Life Coach works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life. They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to “Live Life Your Way.”
If you would like to make an appointment with Noreen, please contact: Tanya@NoreenSumpterCoach.com or call 718-834-9450.