Contributed by Tanya S.
At the end of most of my relationships, my partners had the same input. I wish you had communicated more. I wish I did too but I didn’t know how. In my family, as loving and great as it is, we never talk about our problems. We make jokes to deal with the stresses we have but no one sits around and says, “I’m scared.” or “I’m angry.” I really have no idea how my family members feel.
This all translated into my relationships as well. I would be upset about something but keep quiet. Sometimes I didn’t realize why I was upset until the next day. I just knew I felt upset and then tried to figure it out. But since the incident had passed how could I bring it up? I questioned whether I was being childish and often decided it would be best to wait for the right moment. But, the right moment never came and I justified my non-communication with excuses like, “We are having fun I cannot say anything now, I will have to wait to later.” or “He’s sad now, I don’t want to make him more upset, I will wait till later.”
Since my resolution is to communicate more, I have been trying with some success and some failures. Recently, I was upset by something my partner said and, after a few days ago I brought it up. He questioned why I waited so long but was willing to talk about it. It was hard as I thought that we would have a big fight, but we talked it out and resolved the issue.
I have been working on communicating with everyone. Not bringing things out in the moment usually leads to me being more upset then I need to be and I wind up regretting things I say; not because it was a bad idea to say something, but because I held it in too long and was resentful when speaking about the issue.
Saying what I need to say is not something I have resolved, but it is something I continue to work on. I realize it will take me some time and that I will get better at it. I am already proud of and encouraged by how I have been able to speak to people about things that make me feel uncomfortable.
How have you been doing with your Love & Relationship New Year’s Resolutions? Write in and tell us. Your progress might even become the focus of our next story in June.
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