Contributed by Cecelia R.

A lot of women have difficulty achieving orgasm from intercourse alone and this is not necessarily related to any medical problems. We tend to think something must be wrong with us, but there are some reasons you may not have considered. Here are a few reasons and some possible solutions.

Not being in the moment. Instead of enjoying yourself, you are worrying about all the stuff you have to do such as work assignments, laundry, taking the kids to dance class, food shopping, and on. Before sex, spend time relaxing; take a bath, drink some wine, dance, whatever relaxes you.  Also, take time for foreplay. It takes two to tango so, if you would like it, ask for foreplay. You might even experiment with demanding it … who knows, it may turn your partner on.

Stressing about having an orgasm.  Often if we have trouble reaching orgasm, we might feel frustrated and worry about disappointing our partner. The stress of worrying about not having an orgasm can become a self-fulfilling prophecy as this is not a particularly conducive emotional environment to get there. Instead of worrying, switch your focus and try something like this. When you are not having sex, think about your next sexual encounter, use your imagination and fantasize about getting excited and reaching orgasm. Bring that feeling with you when you are in bed with your partner.

Worrying about your body. Most everyone has some complaint about their body—flabbiness, love handles, being too fat or too skinny, having breasts that are too small or too large. What complaints do you have about your body?  Well, consider this … if your partner is right there in bed with you and they are turned on and interested in having sex with you, the odds are they don’t have a problem with you body. So, why should you?

Not using lube. In my work as a sex educator, I often talk about the value of lubricants and a couple of typical responses are, “Oh I don’t have that problem” or at the extreme, feeling embarrassed that they may need ‘extra’ help for something that is supposed to come naturally. Using lube does not mean there is a problem; it just makes things more pleasurable even if your are excited and are producing some lubrication. Not to mention, it will take away discomfort if there is any dryness.

Do you recognize yourself in any of these reasons?  We invite you to share your comments in the box below.

To learn more about experiencing orgasms, multiple or otherwise check Vera & Steve Bodansky’s pioneering work on this subject in, Extended Massive Orgasm: How You Can Give and Receive Intense Sexual Pleasure (Positively Sexual). (Amazon Affiliate link)