Contributed by Donna Marie
One of the benefits of embracing being single is it has lessened my need for certainty (or my discomfort with uncertainty) and brought a new clarity.
When single was a place to get away from, I used to talk to my friends about my feelings about the relationship I was in at the time. I would project on to him the future I wished for us together, hoping he was feeling the same way. I used to play back in my mind every detail of every meeting, every conversation, obsessing about the words he used looking for signs and clues that he loved me but was afraid to show it. I would dismiss cautionary words from friends about unrequited love in favor of my delusional thoughts about what seemed to be evidence that he loved me but was afraid to tell me. I remember feeling uncomfortable being myself and more often than not wondering what I needed to say or do to have his love.
In embracing being single, I have clarity in this moment and I don’t consistently feel the confusion that used to come from being uncertain about what I say or do. With this clarity and acceptance the loud voice of my running inner dialogue, second-guessing comments I make or questioning those I think of making is now a whisper. Gone is much of my hesitancy of speaking. Gone is the worry evident in my questioning, was I going to sound smart, clever, anything enough so that they would love me?
I am fairly certain that all that hesitancy, doubt, needing approval was stifling my self-expression in life and my relationships with those I cared the most about. It turns out that by accepting where I am, I accept others being the way they are and responding in the ways they do. I am a more generous, loving and compassionate person as a result of my new way of being.
It turns out that I’m the one I’ve been waiting for!
Free to Be Single is a recurring feature focusing on being single without opposition to other forms of relating. It’s about discovery and breaking through the societal walls of what should be when it comes to relationships. It’s about celebrating all the options of relating available to us as human beings whether it is to be a couple or to be single or any other iteration. It’s about embracing and being free to be where we are. Free to Be Single reflects musings of how my life is unfolding from a place of freedom as distinct from the past when being single was a missing and I operated as a victim.
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