Contributed by Alex F.
How much do looks matter? A lot. When we meet someone, we know nothing about them. There are likely to be no hints of their morals, ethics or personality. We don’t know what they are interested in, what their family is like or what they do for fun. All we can see is their appearance – their looks, their body, their clothes. And, with just that minimal information, we asses them.
Do you judge them poorly because they are wearing something fashionable – they just follow everyone else – or highly – they are a trendsetter? Do you see someone who is overweight and think they are lazy or have no will power? Do you see someone skinny and think they are bulimic or cannot have any fun because they won’t eat a cupcake? We all see the same person but have different thoughts about what type of person they are based on looks.
While it might be inaccurate, it is natural. So, what can we do to avoid making hasty judgments? We can control what we do with this information.
A classical expression of how we judge a book by its cover can be found in the movie (and Broadway play) Beauty and the Beast, where, a horrible monstrous exterior hides a scared, pained man. How did he get this way? As a punishement to his parents for not believing in magic, he was born a beast. He was forced to live alone because no one could stand to be in his company. It caused him more pain, gave him more reasons to withdraw and more reasons to hate. As time went by, he hated people more and more. They all treated him poorly and that was all he knew.
When a man came to his garden and picked a rose for his daughter, the beast was going to kill him. But found sympathy and asked for his daughter to be sent instead. She was at first repelled by the beast, but as time passed she grew fond of him. She begged to be sent home for one week to visit her father and the beast relented. Over the week, she learned how the beautiful people she knew were beasts inside and the beast she left, meant more to her than she thought. Her love for him broke the spell and transformed him to a man.
In my life, I try not to judge and see the beauty inside each person. In my mind, beauty is fleeting. You may look lovely at 20, but one day you will be 80. Will I want to be by your side at any time in your life? If so, it will not be because you are hot. It will most likely be because you treat me and others well. When I see people, I may not like their outfit, but I don’t hold it against them. I accept their style. If someone is alone at a party, I do not think they are crazy or snobby, I think they may not know anyone and speak to them. I think the important thing that prevents me from being non-judgmental, is I question the judgements that come into my head. What made me think this way? What proof is there?
I believe strongly in gut feelings, but most judgements don’t come from the gut. They come from a prejudice, a fear or some past experience with a similar looking person. Becoming aware of this has help me view the person as an individual rather than the sum parts of their physical appearance.
How do you control your tendency to judge others? We invite you to join the conversation and write your comments in the box below.
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