Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Self-Esteem & Confidence Coach

I was sitting in my bedroom a few days ago staring at a floating candle in a container of water.  As the water pooled in to the mold of the candle, the flame flickered for a moment and I heard the faint hissing sound of water and fire coming together.  The candle flickered a little then the flame dwindled down getting smaller but fighting to stay alight.  All of a sudden the flame went out and all that was left was a puff of smoke wafting up from the stem of the candle.  As I sat and watched the candle slowly extinguish and the smoke billowing up like a curly fry, I wondered if that is what death would look be like.  One minute you are a bright light dancing around in the universe and then, when your time is near, you dwindle down into a puff of smoke trying hard to stay alight.

In a moment, your life can be extinguished like the flame of a candle.  In that same moment, your life can transform into something that we never ever in our wildest nightmare could ever expect. In a moment, we can make a choice to transform our whole lives for the better.  Transformation of one’s life takes courage.

It takes courage to say that we are not happy with what it is that we are being, doing or having in our lives.  Many of us have no idea what being honest with ourselves could bring.  Fear of admitting to ourselves that we are not happy, for some of us, is mind blowing. So instead of coming clean with ourselves, we walk around pretending we are happy. If the truth is that we are upset and do not take responsibility for our upset, we end up blaming everyone for any undesirable outcomes.

Renee’s Story

Renee was unhappy in the area of romantic relationships.  She had not been in a solid relationship for quite some time.  The last relationship that she experienced was very painful.  It lasted one and a half years and it took her another year to get over the experience.  One year is equal to 52 weeks.  Can you imagine being upset for 78 weeks?   Renee wondered how she could be in a relationship with a man that she loved but did not like. It had become a habit.

Since Renee wanted to be in a relationship, she started dating a lot of different men, looking for a man that she was compatible with. But, Renee had issues trusting men.  Renee has discovered that she does not believe that she will find a man she can trust.  No Belief + Doubt = No trust. And, at a deeper level, she realized that she did not feel that she deserved a loving relationship. She was not worthy.

Now, Renee is learning that she is deserving and has begun the process of trusting herself  to make the right choices and to distinguish what is important to her. Then it dawned on her that she did not have any criteria about what she wanted from a man past his physical appearance. With this realization, Renee is becoming about what she needs in a a relationship.

Gaining clarity helps us all create what it is that we want in our lives. Sometimes we do not have the strength, or courage to gain clarity.  It may take us a long time to realize that we cannot gain clarity alone – that is where a coach can come in and help you de-clutter your mind and life.

As a coach, it is very important to help clients visit what it is they want from the things they are trying to create.  It is important that we create ideas and take action to get what it is we say we want.  When we are in action mode with a new view of ourselves, we will begin to reflect and draw to us the man/relationship that is important to us.  That is why it is important to be honest with ourselves.  Lying to ourselves only beget more lies which begets us more of the same – and, as Albert Einstein is reported to have said, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, is the definition of insanity.

Do you have a question for Nourishing Nibbles, please send it to:

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life.  They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way.  “Live Life Your Way” 

   “Live Life Your Way”

To make an appointment with me, please call 718-834-9450 or e-mail

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