Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach


Are you dating people that you cannot afford to be with?  I don’t just mean only fiscally, I mean mentally, emotionally, socially, educationally, and/or spiritually. When you choose someone new to date, are you on an equal playing field?

Dating on an unequal playing field is a source of frustration and can become out-and-out upsetting.  I have coined the phrase “Downward Dating” to describe this phenomenon.  Unlike downward facing dog, which is a traditional yoga pose that stretches and strengthens the whole body while relaxing the mind, Downward Dating only eats away at your sanity and puts you in a pile of confusion.  In the end, you wind up blaming yourself for the relationships demise. As with many of life’s choices there is no one to blame and many lessons to learn.

The way your dates treat you and the opportunities that come your way are determined by your attitude, energy and your sense of self.  Oftentimes, it feels good to blame others, but you know intuitively that it is not right. One of the only things you can possibly get from Downward Dating is some instant physical satisfaction which is often very nice but that lasts for about a good sixty seconds.  However, you’re not making the kinds of connection that you desire.  And, when you are not getting the emotional connection you desire, you’re left upset, angry and frustrated.

I have heard dating described as a gladiator sport.  It is not for the faint of heart.  Dating will test you and can shred every ounce of confidence you have or wreak havoc on your self-image.   While dating, whatever insecurities you are dealing with will surface and leave you not even recognizing yourself.

Do you realize that you are dating the same physical type of man/woman over and over again? Do you have a physical type, i.e. tall, blonde, bald, hulking, etc. and are not interested in leaving that type behind?  In the past, I have been guilty of dating like that.  Thus not making room for anyone else to enter my sphere and, all the while, still looking for a different response and treatment.  Duh!

Are you not ready to leave your type behind but still want something different?  Do you want and/or are you interested in stopping this kind of behavior?  Do you want a different result?

Before you go out on another single date start, looking at what you don’t like about your dating habits.  Start by asking yourself about what you’re experiencing; see if it is a reflection of how you treat yourself.  If you cannot change or are not ready to date, you are doomed to continue creating more of the same dating situation.  This can be said for any situation that does not work for you anymore.  It you want to date differently, you have to start giving yourself something first.  If you want to date better people, you have to become a better person.  If you want to be respected, you have to give respect to yourself and then to others. If you want to improve the quality of your dates you have to improve the quality of yourself.  Start by asking questions “What can I contribute to my dates?” What you receive from any dating situation will transform when you accept yourself.

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Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life.  They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way.  “Live Life Your Way” 

   “Live Life Your Way”

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