Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach
You are fearful about something, so what do you do? What is your Trump card? By Trump card, I mean the way you behave when your back is up against the wall and you are being called to take action. Do you pretend and charge into denial? Do you hide out, stay out of communication and ignore calls? Do you shut down emotionally? Do you become defensive and get into fights? Do you strut around and tell everybody in your best cocktail voice, “It’s marvelous darling!”? Do you speak in your loudest voice and assert that you are fine? Do you just get all colloquial and say, “I got this” when you don’t have anything? Or, the best one yet is, “I’m okay; I don’t need any support.”
Then something out of the ordinary happens. You lose your job, or your relationship, or your money. When things like these happen, flying by the seat of your pants does not allow you to make a real commitment. This lack of commitment has you live in a place of fear where you isolate yourself from your feelings and from the people in your life. (A side note about feelings, I want you to know that feelings are fleeting. They come and go like clouds.) Your Trump card is how you have been being for a long time. With this way of being, you are not aware that you are destroying things that are important to you.
I have had people tell me that they are not lovable, cannot be loved or don’t want anyone to love them. When that kind of communication is launched into the world, they cannot be committed to anything or anyone. (When I say world, I mean the person’s individual world where it occurs as if they are putting seeds on a Formica countertop, where conditions are not right, and demanding they grow.) Their commitments cannot grow, they cannot form relationships and they are never present. They have all these limiting beliefs about love that only make sense to them. They are like drifters on the planet not experiencing life’s wonderment, and they are busy questioning why life is not going the way they want it to. They become upset and people who love them find it more and more difficult to support them. While their upset is not personal, it is just difficult to be with these people. All that loved ones can do is wait for the people they love and support to one day take themselves off the Formica countertop and plant themselves in the earth … figuratively speaking.
With that fixed way of being, one cannot fully experience anything that life has to offer. At the source of this limiting way of being is fear of failure and this fear mushrooms when you want to take the action you know you need to. Your internal conversations feed your fear and thus you win at the game of being unlovable. People who also feel unlovable show up in your life and this creates more of the same in your life. Naturally this leaves you with feelings of frustration, hopelessness and resignation–not being present to what is possible in life.
Remember this: You are not alone. Fear … False Evidence Appearing Real … is common to everyone!
Here are few questions to uncover how you are currently relating to life.
- What is your Trump card? What is your way of being, i.e., your Trump card, that way you act and feel when confronted or experiencing fear?
- Do you have commitments that you fear?
- Do you find yourself making commitments and avoiding them?
- What are the limiting beliefs that are always stopping you in your life?
- Are you flying by the seat of your pants with no plans?
- Do you really know what’s possible for you in your life?
- Do you have a fixed way of being that causes you to be fearful and you feel powerless to shift it?
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Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life. They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way. “Live Life Your Way”
“Live Life Your Way” www.noreensumptercoach.com
To make an appointment with me, please call 718-834-9450 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org