Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Self-Esteem & Confidence Coach
Friends are important to me. One thing I know is that I have a gift for making friends and I love the friends I have. It has nothing to do with the length of time that I know them. It has to do with the love that I can now share. I do not like releasing friendships.
What I didn’t know about myself until recently is that I never gave myself permission to not be a friend. I believe that I can find the best in everyone, I didn’t have to dislike a person because they had certain characteristics that didn’t work for me. I thought that if I found the qualities that I liked in them, it would outweigh the ones I didn’t.
My trip to Jamaica with a friend was an experience. It was an extremely volatile and sad experience for me. I accept that I had been avoiding some harsh realities. My friend whom I have grown to love, had some behaviors that were not personal to me, but they were bad behaviors never-the-less and though I knew they existed, I did not want to see them. She began exhibiting these behaviors last year, so I was knowledgeable about her extremes. Even though I felt that it was only a matter of time before I might experience these behaviors firsthand, I did not follow my intuition.
In May it was my turn to experience my friend’s other side.
My friend is a very intelligent and professional woman who is a little stuck and unhappy. When upset, like many individuals, she finds it difficult to express without being overcome by anger. In that emotional state, it is too much for her to handle. Based on my commitment to support people develop confidence and self-esteem and my personal commitment not to have vulgar exchanges with other human beings, I chose to walk away from my friend, rather than engage with her, as she was having a volatile tantrum in the parking lot of our beautiful resort.
Through this experience, I discovered that these relationships were my doing! I had created these people from a lack of value that I had about myself. It was my choice, I had brought these people into my world, and it was my responsibility to value myself and recreate friendships from a place of inner confidence and self-esteem in my world.
Then I had this insight: If there were people in my life who acted in ways I did not agree with, I had every right to let these people go without disregarding them or making them wrong. This led me to see that I wanted some new friends who had qualities that were important to me. For example: Friends who liked people, who shared themselves freely, with similar interests, and for the relationship to have a loving quality to it.
As painful as it was, I needed to be truthful with myself and cut the cord with this friend and still be polite and loving, wishing her every happiness in her life while moving on in mine. The experience showed me that I loved and valued myself and releasing the friend was just releasing. It was nothing else.
So I have released this friend and few others in a very short space of time. I have opened the door and attracted new people into my life that I am enjoying and love to be around. I’m enjoy being with these people and they share that they really enjoy being with me. All the things that I bring to my friendships are reflected back at me.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What can you learn from this experience?
- What are you tolerating in your life?
- Where in your life are you not giving yourself permission?
- If you want something new, are you open to having it come from anywhere, any place, anyone?
- What new opportunities might be possible for you?
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Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life. They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way. “Live Life Your Way”
“Live Life Your Way”
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