Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach
Last night I went out for a drink. I was feeling pretty sexy and strutted down the street in my five-inch heels and my very cute purple, jeweled dress with the appropriate plunging neckline. I make my way to the bar. When I go out alone, I usually sit at the bar because the bar is where you have the best chance of meeting people to talk to. I love talking to people. You might say I will only meet men at the bar, but I meet a lot of people.
Anyway, I’m sitting at the bar and here comes this attractive men – tall, dark, well-spoken, etc. He asks if he could talk with me. Sure! He starts talking about his life and how cute I am, which is always fabulous. He tells me he finds me sexy. Great! I put in a ten-minute effort to get dressed, plus I was wearing the beautiful Yves Saint Laurent lipstick that I spent $40 dollars on that day with the $25 Mascara I had also purchased. I had my $100 face on. LOL. What the hey! I was looking good, feeling good and yes, smelling good.
He pats my hair then tells me he’s been dying to do that. What the hey! I say. Men always want to touch my hair. I guess it gives them the caveman experience they like re-enacting. Anyway, he goes on to tell me that he is married: red flag! 30 years and he loves his wife. I say great.
Rule number one: I don’t date married men. So he tells me is wife is on Long Island tonight with their daughter. I say great. He tells me he used to be an NBA player back in the 70s I say great. He tells me he owns restaurants and he’s got a comfortable life for himself, I say great. I’m listening.
Then he comes the sob story – time to take out my tiny violin. I love my wife but my wife and I don’t have sex. I saw that coming a mile off. I say great. So I ask, “What is it that has you not have sex with your wife?” He rambles on, tells me she always lets him have one-night stands with the rule of not falling in love. So he has lived his whole married life with this conversation and level of freedom. I continue, “So, when did you and your wife stop having sex?” One year ago. She became angry and cut him off. How do you feel about this? I don’t know. Are you sad about it? He describes his wife as an elephant. What do you mean by that? He says that she has a long memory. She never forgets the past. I ask him if he loves his wife. He says absolutely. She is the mother of his children. He is not leaving her. He has another woman that he has been seeing her for years. So why are you trolling for another woman. Most of all me? He was very straightforward. After he told me he had a full hip replacement because of his life playing sports, he told me he would like to get naked with me. Hey. Anyway, I asked him a few more questions. Do you want to have sex with your wife? He starts joking about how he wants to get naked with me. I was grossed out but smiling as I thought of a large chunk of plastic.
I asked him what had him marry his wife and stay with her for so long. She allowed him to do what he wanted. She was sexy, etc. They went to college together, she did his papers. She was available for whatever he wanted. She traded for the good life. He said he hurt her emotionally, not physically. He was not rough with her. She is a great woman. He loves her.
His wife was hurt and had given him space to be. However, now she was upset about her choices. She shut down and in turn, shut him down. He was sad, upset and remorseful. His commitment to his wife is amazing; his love for her is great. He’s dealing with his behavior. He’s afraid of losing her and he is about to lose her if he does not take some action fast! Then I notice his eyes well up with tears, his lips going in and out quivering. He’s crying now. Noreen, you made a grown man cry. I asked him if he was crying and he said yes. I acknowledged his tears and his commitment to his wife. It was clear to me. He cried some more.
I know that he did not get dressed this evening to go out and pick up a woman that would go toe to toe with him about his life and make him cry. Dude, no sex happening over here? He was moved and talked some more, still crying. He thanked me and said I will talk to my wife. I gave him my number and he said he’d like to talk with me again. He’s been trying to work this out for ages.
Can you imagine? What I do know is this man loves his wife. Having sex with strange women just feeds his self-loathing and encourages his habit of not being responsible and honest with himself in first place. So that was my night. It was fun. I looked sexy. I made a philanderer cry and made a difference in his life.
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Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life. They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way. “Live Life Your Way”
“Live Life Your Way” www.noreensumptercoach.com
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