Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, The Confidence Coach 


It is that time of year again—the holidays—a time for giving and receiving; a time for families to get together, have fun, heal old wounds and say sorry for all that has happened or not happened throughout the year. If you have experienced upset, disappointment, hurt or anger involving a family member, it might be time to release those feelings and create a new experience with them.

Family is one of the most important things on the planet. This means your immediate family and your human family. If you are upset with a family member, note than an upset usually goes both ways. You might express the upset differently than them—different does not mean wrong or right, it’s just that … different.

Maybe it is time to consider what you are willing to do to clean up this mess. Since your family is incomplete without your full participation, consider what you are willing to give up to have a whole and complete family.

Here is what you can do:

  • Ask for permission to clean up the mess and suggest a future time to talk.
  • Know why you’re calling and what you want to accomplish. Here are a few ideas:
    1. I love and miss you
    2. You are my family
    3. I cannot stop thinking about how things were before
    4. It’s time to bring love back
  • Keep the conversation short and clear. (This means no stories or reasons, just the facts.)
  • Take accountability for your feelings and know that your feelings are your responsibility.
  • Take responsibility for all that you have said, not said, done and not done—the whole kit and caboodle.
  • Apologize for whatever the “it” is—all of it, every single, last drop.
  • Apologize for the conversations you have had with others that you looked to for evidence to make your argument stronger, i.e., gossip, name calling—you what it is, the works.
  • Listen to the other person’s side of the experience without defending yourself or arguing your point.
  • Watch for and do not say things like:
    1. But
    2. You did this
    3. You did that
  • If you find yourself looking for ammunition inside your head, please note: you have stopped listening and you are not present.  Get present.
  • Do not push back with defensive statements—doing so will have you forget why you called.
  • Keep love present.

Have a Happy New Year! 

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Noreen SumpterPersonal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life.  They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way.  “Live Life Your Way” 

   “Live Life Your Way”

To make an appointment with me, please call 718-834-9450 or e-mail

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