Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach
Q: “I worry about what people are saying about me all the time.
I find I’m too embarrassed and worried to go out sometimes. What can I do?” – Julian B.
A: Mind your business!
Each and every one of us was put on this earth to do something. It does not have to be saving the earth, you don’t have to find a cure; you have to know what it is you want for yourself and your life. So it is your birth right and duty to get on with it. Many people are afraid to do what they desire to do. They believe happiness is measured by a percentage of about 75-90%. They are afraid of what people will think of them. They have no idea what their life could look like if they had the whole 100% that they are seeking. So they live their lives doing what they think their friends and families want them to do. They do things to please other people and neglect themselves. They have careers they don’t want and are miserable with the other 10%. It’s none of your business what people think of you. Do what you want and just be happy. Stand strong, self-validate and commit to being a contribution to someone or something. Your happiness will be fulfilled.
Discovery. What I have discovered is that most people want to make a contribution to others. It is always described as, I want to help people. I want to teach people and I want to make people happy. It is always for other people. It is important that we understand that we share. In order to share, we have to have. So to give happy, you have happy, so you share happy. The next thing that happens after a declaration is the fear of what people will think of them. They start to worry and stress about what they’re afraid of and what people might think about them. The truth is that people think all sorts of things and very few of those thoughts will be about you.
Sitting & Listening. I had the pleasure of sitting for an artist who is unbelievable and exciting. This artist is a woman in her sixties. She paints men and women in the nude. Being painted in the nude is the epitome of full disclosure. This extremely talented woman, this artist was being very unhappy, unproductive and stuck. I listened to her talk about her life and her art; her life sounded like a very exciting life. She spoke of herself as a woman that had marched to her own drum, lived a life filled with passion and pleasure and has made a contribution with her art, healing people and freeing them of their self loathing issues, caused by various negative experiences. As she shared how she was feeling, she was able to discover that her unhappiness was caused by her belief. That belief was what a friend and colleague had said about her. This colleague was someone she had respected. Basically, she was not allowing this person to have an opinion. She started to believe what he said was true.
In a moment, this woman, like many people, was killing herself off. She was not being an artist, she was not being successful, and she was not being vibrant. She was doubtful, fearful, believing in scarcity, and not minding her own business. By not minding her own business, she was minding the business of her friend that she had allowed to hex her. This hexing had ripped the passion out of her life and was robbing her of her vibrancy on a moment to moment basis. She felt that she could not paint – that her creativity had gone. She was lost and slowly going into energy bankruptcy as well as a financial bankruptcy. How can a woman that had a vibrant life all of a sudden have a sense of loss and lose her creativity? Well, when you do not mind your business closely, you allow other people’s thoughts and opinions to rob you of your passion. If hexing someone was a crime, then many people would be found guilty.
You don’t want people you love and respect to say anything to you that appears negative. However, people, just like you, have the right to say anything they want and you have the right to listen or not. Where you get caught and hooked is when you make what they say mean something. Simple example: Person A says: I don’t like that painting. You make it mean: I am not a good artist, I can’t create and it goes on and on. So now you walk around with that belief. I am not a good artist, I can’t paint and I have no creativity and no one will buy my work. This belief gets bigger and bigger and you in turn get smaller and smaller, you begin to feel insecure, and shut down.
It is important to learn that what people say is none of your business. Your business is your life, your thoughts about you. It is important that you remain positive and understand that these sorts of statements are not personal to you. That is what happened with this woman. She forgot who or what she was up to in her life. She forgot that art inspired her life and the life of the people who bought her art. She forgot that she had a mission in her world and that and only that was her business.
When you learn that it is none of your business what others say or think about you, you can say thank you for your opinion and mean it. Your life expands and you go back to the business of fulfilling your life mission.
Do you have a question for Nourishing Nibbles, please send it to:
Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life. They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way. “Live Life Your Way”
“Live Life Your Way” www.noreensumptercoach.com
To make an appointment with me, please call 718-834-9450 or e-mail email@example.com