Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach
Q: “Every time I think about my childhood, I get all tense and anxious, or angry and frustrated.
What can I do?” – Julie B.
A: Stop reliving your past!
When you think of a bad experience that happened in your past, do you notice how you feel it in the present moment? It feels like it is happening right now. You feel right now the way you felt when the situation happened, you feel the same sadness and upset. We rarely focus on the good things that happen, but we can always in a pinch, think of the sad and soul robbing situations. Do you think that sad or upsetting situation is of any benefit to you? All this past experience does is make you remember and feel pain. Does dredging up the past stop you from experiencing it again? Well it can, if you use it as a learning experience. But it you don’t, it will be an experience that remains painful. It will be like an instant replay, going around and around in your head, making you into a victim that still feels powerless.
So if you want to continue to feel sorry for yourself and behave as though you are a victim, by all means go ahead. But, as a Personal Life Coach in the area of Confidence and Self-Esteem, I can tell you that you will continue the vicious cycle of pain with no real personal growth, but the choice is up to you.
If you are willing to stop and see what you have learned from this experience you will never have to bring that experience back into your life. You will learn where you did not take responsibility for yourself, and where you did not truly value your self-worth. Once you see the lesson, you can give yourself the pleasure of developing character traits that will have you end the replay, enabling you to go forward in your life.
Many people were raised by parents and experienced family members that have a tremendous amount of warranted, and unwarranted complaints, or just plain disdain for them. But stop for one second and have a look at your life. Look at the obstacles that you have overcome. Look at the strengths that you have developed. We use resistance training to develop our bodies. Maybe your parents and family members were your resistance, enabling you to develop something within you. If only you could reflect a minute longer in the positive and look at your life in the now instead of the past, you can see the greatness that resides within you. If you could step out of the pain and own into your power, you would no longer need to introduce yourself as your past.
Case Study
A female professional who worked hard, is extremely smart, and a risk taker despite her external conversations about fear.
Past: She did not have this or that. She was not loved and lost family members. She had only her basic needs met as child.
Present Day: On meeting this woman, I had to hear what she went through as a child; what she experienced with the tears and the upset, how she suffered, etc. She was a victim and decades later she is still a victim.
Actuality: She is successful in her current career, has impeccable taste in clothes and all things beautiful, and very well put together. She is very loving, but also very defensive, and has difficulty receiving.
Being so entrenched in her past she cannot see her present situation, neither can she see her future. The thing about the past is that when you are unhealthy regarding your past, you will fight tooth and nail to keep yourself stuck in it. If you are experiencing issues from your past, commit to working on being devoted to giving it up and changing direction in your life by being present and thinking differently. You have a habit. You are familiar, secure and comfortable with the tears from being upset and angry. Try on a new coat by giving it up NOW! Keep in mind that if you want it back, it is only a thought away.
The moment you realize that you are not your past, you begin to have a past, and learn that life exists in the present moment. Life gets created in the present and we are always living in the now. Two minutes from now is the now. Two days from now will be the now, two years from now will be the now. We are always in the now, going to into the future and looking at the past from the now. So place yourself firmly in the now and create NOW!
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Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life. They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way. “Live Life Your Way”
“Live Life Your Way” www.noreensumptercoach.com
To make an appointment with me, please call 718-834-9450 or e-mail noreen@noreensumptercoach.com
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