Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach


When you are secure in yourself, your thoughts and ideas are great because you know intuitively that you don’t have to defend anything about yourself.  Your thoughts, ideas and dreams are yours and they will never be the same as anyone else’s.  You know that no one has to agree with what you think as you are empowered.  However, in those areas of your life where you are not empowered and lack confidence, your thoughts, beliefs and ideas are not your own.  You seek validation or you get upset, angry and downright nasty, when you feel challenged.

Whenever you feel challenged and have to defend something about yourself, try this question on for size:

“If I were a man would I have to defend myself for my thoughts and ideas?”

Now, I am not saying become a man in any way shape or form.  The question I am asking is “Why do I feel I have to defend my ideas or thoughts?”  You never have to defend anything about yourself. Did I say “anything” about yourself?  Yes!  You are perfect just like a rose, thorns and all.  So, when you feel your ‘thorns’  coming out (unless it is an emergency and someone is physically attacking you), you need to take a look at why they are coming out.    You never have to make an excuse or be disgusted with the way your life is going or not going.   When something is not working for you, change gears.  Look it square in the face and say,  “Fuck it, this will not do.  I desire something different.” Stop doing what does not work and choose something else.  Do not worry about anything else.

People can really say anything they want about you.  They can ask you anything and you have the right to choose how you feel about what they do or say. If you’re upset, you have the right to let off steam in a responsible way.  However, bear in mind that if things are going to change, you’re going to have to change them.  What matters the most is what you say about yourself. Also, your occurring world is what is important and, if it is not supported by positive thoughts, will lead you to feel insecure and defensive. All this starts with being okay with you and realizing who you truly are. Next, understand that only you are responsible for how you respond to life and not be sorry for the choices you made in the past.

Remember that outside forces are irrelevant because you are not your circumstances. You have circumstances.  We need circumstances in our lives.  What you need to do is give yourself a goal. You must be specific and clear about your target, since without one, you will never feel secure and you will never get on the road.

What would you have to hear for you to accomplish your goal? Maybe it’s something like, “You have the job!” or “You have the deal!” or “Yes, ‘ll take that one!”  Whatever it is that you have to hear, will be the point when you have reached your goal.

I remember when I finished my coaching training, all I wanted to hear as a coach (and what made me feel I had achieved my going of being a coach), was when someone said, “Yes I want to work with you.  How much do I have to pay, and when can we start.”  That sealed the deal for me.

No two people’s arrival point will be the same.  However, they will have to be secure enough to keep going until they hear what they need to hear.   So it is important to:

  • Make a choice
  • Set a goal
  • Start towards your goal

So when you are secure in yourself, anything can open up and that “anything” will be yours.

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Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life.  They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way.  “Live Life Your Way” 

   “Live Life Your Way”

To make an appointment with me, please call 718-834-9450 or e-mail

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