Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach

Q:  “I feel so insecure.  What can I do to stop it?” –   Lisa N.

A:  Security is already yours!


Security exists internally.  Most people look for security as an external experience.  They think it is either something or someone in the world that can give security to them and that makes them feel secure.  No one or nothing can make you feel secure.  Security is something that you give to yourself first.  Like most things, if you cannot give it to yourself then no one can give it to you.  Nothing or no one can give you the security you are looking for, so if you are seeking it in a boyfriend, girlfriend, marriage, money, none of these things can make you feel secure until you feel internally secure.

Security, acknowledgement, and praise are all individual personal feelings.  One of the only ways you can ever feel secure is by giving security to yourself. The love that you need, a sense of belonging, a feeling of safety in your world, being able to self-validate, acknowledging yourself and recognizing your own accomplishments are the gifts that you give yourself.  Ultimately only you can fill your needs.

Security is a sense of having something in your life that calls you, that is bigger than you are it pulls you, you’re attracted to it.  When you are secure in your life the petty upsets are small in comparison to what you’re up to.  When you are secure you have projects, you are growing and you are not looking outside of yourself for love.  You don’t have unattainable rules in place to give you a sense of security.  You are busy loving you and loving another in that order. You are not looking for the person to love you.  You’re not looking for the person to call you to check in, or waiting to hear the words I love you.  You are being I love you—it becomes your natural way of being and your experience of love lives freely.  That kind of love is not a demand that is practiced in a specific way like so many calls a week, so many hugs, keeping score of how many times the person says I love you, the bickering about who always says what first.   That kind of love is not secure and has no space for freedom in it. The joy is sucked out of the love in a way that causes insecurity and you can become shut down or anxiety-driven.

When you are secure you have an experience of growth and expansion in your life.  Your view of the world is a bigger place and the feel of the universe is abundant. When you feel secure you are open, you share yourself abundantly, you are willing to take risks and you experience an opportunity to be who you really are.

Many people are on a mission to keep their world safe by not speaking up for themselves, or not speaking at all, feeling like they cannot trust anyone and always living in a space of fear.  Consequently, when you live in a space of fear your world gets smaller and you experience even more insecurity.  However, when you face your fears your world expands and you feel stronger and secure in other areas of your life and you discover that a true feeling of security exists when you can meet your own needs without being a demand for security from others.  Give yourself a life filled with happiness where security is your own responsibility and what comes from others is a blessing that is received with gratitude.

Do you have a question for Nourishing Nibbles, please send it to:

Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life.  They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way.  “Live Life Your Way” 

   “Live Life Your Way”

To make an appointment with me, please call 718-834-9450 or e-mail

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