Contributed by Noreen Sumpter, Personal Life Coach



Q: I am in a new relationship

and want to talk to my partner about our sex life, but I am afraid if I bring it up he will think I am slutty, what do I do? – Susannah

A: Communication is sexy!

Women with strong healthy sexual boundaries know their likes and dislikes so their communication is clear, attractive and sexy.   Sex is interplay between consenting individuals.  There are things that you’ll like and the other person might not, so it’s necessary to communicate with the person you intend on having sex with clearly.

A woman who is confident with her sexuality expresses it in and out of the bedroom, with clear verbal and non verbal communication.  She knows that her sexual needs, and pleasure are her responsibility 100% and that her partner is 100% responsible for their needs. As a result, if something shows up in the act of sex that does not appeal to her, she would not hesitate to speak her truth and voice her opinion in a manner that is respectful and non judgmental of herself and partner. 

A sexually responsible woman is honest with herself about her needs and desires. She has giv en herself full permission to live truthfully in all areas of her life that are important.  She shares her boundaries clearly and concisely as she knows her pleasure depends upon it.

So like a sexually responsible woman, with anything in life you desire, it is important that your give yourself permission to have it in order to live your life confidently and freely.

What are your boundaries and have you shared them completely? 

Some people have little or no real boundaries, but they know what repulses them. 

A boundary based on repulsions is very clear and focused on what you will not do.  It is important to be clear with your boundaries. They should be your own boundaries and not be boundaries where you are dragged along for a ride only your partner will enjoy. 

If you follow or are dragged along by other people’s sexual boundaries you will never feel comfortable. You will always end up feeling resentful, and this kind of tension is never good for your wellbeing.  So if you plan to expand or push your sexual boundaries make sure they are based on your own healthy choices.

Think for a moment, how would you share or express yourself for your pleasure with the following:

Touch:  how you’d like to be touched, when to be touched

Pressure: soft, hard

Pace: fast, slow

Lights: on or off

Rough or not

Sexually explicit language

Introduction of Sex Toys

Kissing and telling

Group sex



Sharing your sexual History


What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to live with confidence and a strong self-esteem in all areas of your life?  

What would your life look like if you were living your life with a strong self-esteem and without second guessing yourself?

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Noreen SumpterPersonal Life Coach: works with High Achievers who feel trapped in their private life.  They lack personal confidence and self-esteem. By helping them clear mental clutter and dissolve limiting beliefs, they can take deliberate steps, own their voice, speak their truth and have the freedom to live life their way.  “Live Life Your Way” 

   “Live Life Your Way”

To make an appointment with me, please call 718-834-9450 or e-mail

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